Those of us who grew up in my generation had a very funny orientation about sexuality unlike the hype on sex education that goes on now.

We were told in those days that once any male figure touches you or as much as gives you a handshake you will automatically become pregnant.

I'm sure it sounds funny to you right now but in our growing days, that was the gospel according to our mothers.

I have two elder sisters, as a matter of fact, my parents are blessed with five girls so you can understand how important it was for them to keep their beautiful treasures away from the preying eyes of men especially those young boys that admired us on our street. ( Don't look at me like that my sisters are more beautiful than yours!)

One very interesting thing happened when we, my elder sisters and I, were in primary school. My immediate senior was in primary 3 at that time.

There was one careless rascal in her class then, I'm sure we all had a particular problematic child in every class then. lolz. His name was Morris, pronounced as 'Mo-Ris' in those days.

He was very troublesome that his dad used to come to school to flog and disgrace him regularly.

My sister was fond of laughing at him so he threatened her that he will come to her house one day and beat her.

This threat really gave my sister concern because he was a popular notorious and naughty boy, only God knows what he had in mind.

On her way home from school one hot afternoon, she noticed this young man had tactically followed her home unknowingly, she only found out when she got to our compound.

Quickly we ran upstairs and locked the door waiting for him to knock if he had the liver and to our greatest surprise he did.

It was only my elder sisters and I that were home so we had to think very fast on what to do.

On no account should my mum come back and find such a boy in our house.

What are we going to even say? Whose friend is he? Who did he come to see? What does he want?

Abeg we don't have answers for her million questions because no matter what we say, we will still chop cane at the end of the day.

Nobody will escape her cane so the sooner we get rid of Moris the better for all of us.

We asked Moris what he wanted and he said he just wants to drink water. Very funny indeed. So he can't go to his house and drink water abi?

Since he insisted that he won't go until we give him water we decided to teach him a lesson.

We went to the balcony and called Moris to come downstairs and open his mouth so we could pour the water straight into his mouth.

Surprisingly the naughty boy didn't catch the joke, he foolishly did as we said and my sister released anointing from my mum's hot water flask directly into his mouth!

Immediately the water touched his tongue he ran with the speed of light out of our compound like he was being chased by a ghost never to returned again!

That was the last time I heard my sister complain about Moris and his disturbance because he never troubled my sister again after that incident.

She left that school the following year and we never had contact with him again.

Please, Moris wherever you are now I hope you are alright and have forgiven us.

Photo credit: ChiliMath

© Onyinye Udeh.


  1. Hahaha, hilarious indeed. #cnt stop laughing o#

  2. Hahaha, MoRis MoRis. I'm sure he won't forget the incident in a hurry 不不不不不不不不


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