Hey Tory Lovers!

I trust you have been good and all is falling into place for y'all.

I've missed y'all for some time and hope that we can catch up with our plenty gist as usual.

So yesterday I resumed work after 3 weeks of being away due to illness and I received a very warm and hearty welcome from my colleagues because I had deeply missed them.

Well, work went pleasantly well and I did enjoy every bit of it till it was closing hours. It actually started raining when it was a few minutes to closure time and I was not just happy about that.

My colleague and I decided to help ourselves by booking an Uber ride home to avoid being drenched by the rain. Biggest mistake of the day.

Let me mention that we actually left the office by a few minutes past 5pm.

We had barely gotten to half our journey when we realized we were stuck in an unending crazy traffic that defied all means of easing up. It was so bad that we had already spent 2 hours on a 1 hour journey.

At this point the caring Uber driver advised us to consider ending the trip and we reasoned with him because it looked like we were going to spend a full month's salary on that trip or maybe wash his car for one year in order to pay up the eventual cost.

We alighted from the cab, since it had briefly stopped raining, and walked to the nearest bus stop hoping to board a bus that would drop us on our street. By now it was almost 7pm and we were estimating that we should be home at least by 8pm. Big dreams indeed!

You won't believe that we were in that same bus for the next 2 hours and were yet to make a progress on our journey. First it took a long time for the bus to get full, then it took a longer time for us to realize that our driver was the wrongest thing that happened to us on that journey.

Instead of this wonderful driver to join the main road like others, though there was traffic, it was not stagnant, he drove through a short cut that was a useless and erroneous move. Only for us to eventually return to the same spot where we initially started the journey from.

Hey God! Who did I offend?

Then he missed the U-turn that was supposed to take us up the bridge to commence our journey and the only option was to drive back to the beginning of the road which was a million miles away, to make a turn and start the trip afresh.

By now I didn't even know whether to cry, laugh, shout, jump or scream because it had started raining again and we didn't have an umbrella with us!

We had no option than to collect our fare back from the driver, not before dropping barrels of curses and insults on the driver, and alight from the bus. There was this particular elderly woman who took it upon herself to harass and insult the driver until he started asking his purpose on earth.

The time was a few minutes past 9pm by then. We employed the service of our Legedis Benz and started an unending journey home with our legs. There was no bus or bike available, and the traffic was the first of its kind, premium quality packaged traffic.

We were going to walk from Cele across (on Oshodi-Apapa expressway) to Surulere. Please those in Lagos help me describe this journey in kilometres in the comment section, I want to know if I have qualified to enter Guinness book of record please, this may be my time to finally become famous.

Was it funny? No. Was it safe? No. Remember we have a 10pm curfew so we were walking at owner's risk and it was raining.

There was a junction we got to and noticed a crowd, we were not even interested in what was happening there, suddenly we heard a group of guys making some funny sounds around them, immediately my colleague and I turned to Olympic athletes and took off. Osondu agwuike!

It is at such places that people's phones and personal belongings usually disappear. Please don't ask me when I got home, just know that God is my protector and no evil can befall me, so here I am. Malaria and tooth ache did not kill make some weeks ago, so no shaking. 

Dear all, please do well to leave your work place or business place as early as you can so that you don't get stuck in traffic. I pray you do not experience this in your life, you are too precious to me biko.

Anyway this is me wishing you a productive and fruitful week ahead. Stay tuned to the blog for more juicy gist.

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Remember The Tory Teller loves you and is rooting for you always.

Photo credit: Vector Stock
                       Intelligent Transport

© Onyinye Udeh


  1. Chai! My Tory_Teller have seen something in this life. Ndo but make I 😂😂😂

  2. The story of my life! It was not funny yesterday but today I laughed about it with my colleague!

  3. Heheheeee... Ndo. Lagos traffic na wa!


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