DIARY OF A BROKEN WOMAN!
Dear Tory lovers,
"Madam, If I meet you here like this tomorrow, I will
refer you to the psychiatric hospital".
Those are the doctor's words that have hunted me for the
past five years now.
Life indeed can be funny sometimes.
Now I wonder why I am starting my story with this but that's
exactly how I feel.
Birthing a baby is the most beautiful thing that could
happen to any woman but I can't say it was for me. Please, don't get me wrong,
I am not ungrateful and I also know there are a lot of women out there who
would give an arm and a leg just to have a child yet it's not happening for
them.
I got married like every other girl out there and I never
expected the turn of events that would change my life forever.
By the time I got pregnant for my first child in August 2015,
hubby and I had accommodation challenge and we decided it was best we stayed
with my parents-in-law since we already had a building in progress and monies
for renting a new place could be channeled into our own house.
Hubby and I stayed
with my in-laws all through the 9 months pregnancy period and of course, we had
several issues which resulted in a fight one day, though we used to get along
very well before I moved in with them.
I had the most seamless delivery, no stress at all.
There was no phone call or visitation whatsoever from my
in-laws all through my stay in the hospital, not even my parent in-laws whom I
left their home to go deliver in the hospital that Thursday night.
I was left only at the mercy of my cousins and a few friends
who came to visit.
I ended up staying in the hospital for five days because
hubby was shuttling between hospital and fixing the new house, distance and
traffic made him always arrive at the hospital late and I couldn't be
discharged at night.
I instantly assumed that my in-laws weren't happy with me,
not even with the arrival of the baby.
The first time I remember crying was in the hospital, I
remember holding my baby and crying bitterly because I was made to stay in the
ward (not even a maternity ward) with other people who have been ill for a long
time ( apparently I was dumped there because no one came to discharge me). A
doctor came in the morning and saw me crying and holding my baby, then he asked
what the matter was but I couldn't say anything. I didn't even know what to
say. I just wanted to go home. I was tired, I wasn't sleeping well because I
was sharing a tiny bed with my infant baby coupled with mosquitoes and having to
stay up all night feeding the baby or being woken up by the cry of the sick
people around me. That was the scariest moments of my life!
So the doctor yelled at me! He said if he meets me there the
following day he would have to refer me to the psychiatric hospital, that I was
a madwoman, that he was sure I was a bad person since nobody will leave a woman
with a new baby in the hospital and many other horrible things. A nurse who was
with him took the baby from me after he left. She helped calm me down and
advised I reach out to someone to help get me out of the hospital after I
explained the situation to her. It was from her I first heard of
"depression" I still didn't even know of "postpartum depression" at the
time.
I knew something was wrong after a month of birthing my baby. At first, I thought it was just the pain and stress of having to do everything myself but I would soon realize it was more than that. I began to snap at even the few people who would come to visit me and they always wonder why I had become such a bitter person instead of being excited for birthing such a beautiful girl.
I began to have very funny thoughts then I started to ask
myself questions. Why do I think of
abandoning my daughter and running away? Why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel
like dying? Why do I even feel like taking my daughter's life? (I mean it was that
bad). I became very afraid and even scared to tell anyone. Not that I even had
anyone around me, just a few calls here and there once in a while.
I got really scared one day, picked up my phone and went on
Google, and started searching for answers to all the questions I had. That was
when the answers hit me; I was having postpartum depression!
And that was my first time coming across that word. Now I knew why the doctor in the hospital called me a madwoman, why the nurse mentioned depression and everything kept playing in my head.
Without mincing words, many women go through this or similar situation unknown to them. Not too long ago there was the story of a woman who killed her baby a few months after delivery and if you watch her interview she was not even remorseful about what she had done.
Postpartum depression is real. It is an emotional experience that women go through which is triggered after child birth when they began to feel a mixture of excitement and anxiety or joy and fear all combined. Some women are able to overcome this by staying positive and focusing on good thoughts while it can be so overwhelming on others leading them to take wrong drastic actions especially when they are not surrounded by people who genuinely love and care about them.
Its symptoms include anxiety, mood swing, excessive crying, restlessness, insomnia, irritability, difficulty bonding with the baby, fear, hopelessness and so on. There are extreme cases of the new mother even having suicidal thoughts or intense impulsive harm on others.
My plea to every one of us is, please be nice to people you come across. You have no idea what anyone is going through. If you cannot help, do not in any way leave the person feeling worse. Times are really hard, do well to check on people around you and give a word of encouragement.
If you have been in the situation or know someone going through it, advise them to seek medical assistance immediately.
Don't forget, The Tory Teller loves you and is rooting for you. Sending you loads of love, hugs and kisses!
#staypositive#
#stayhealthy#
Thanks for sharing. It's a topic that is considered something of a ‘taboo’. You really can't tell a person’s struggles, the best we can do is not to undermine them and show empathy to the people we meet.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by dear Tobe.
DeleteWe'll keep preaching it.
Comment from Mrs Hilda:
ReplyDeleteYes my dear, in this part of the world many don't know a woman can be depressed after having a child. We just believe it's just joy all the way
Postpartum depression is real n whoever is experiencing it should get help as quickly as possible
Comment from Mrs Ani-Matthew:
ReplyDeleteHmm, I'm really short of words. Postpartum depression is real and women should be taught about it. And please, to all women all there, don't die in silence. Speak up. Lots of love.
Okay, this is scary! I mean, I know about postpartum depression but I would be lying if I said this didn't scare me.
ReplyDeleteWomen are trying, man!
- Bolaji Gelax
Women are very strong beings, no doubt.
DeleteMay God help continue to stay strong.
Wow, this is very informative
ReplyDeleteThank you Samuel for stopping by. I am glad to be of help.
DeleteThis is so sad to read. No words
ReplyDeleteReally sad. Thank you for stopping by.
DeleteAm thinking how can I make every lady I know read this
ReplyDeleteThey all need to. All the same, we will keep spreading the word. Thank you for stopping by, Dear Benjamin.
DeleteThank you for this enlightening blog post.
ReplyDeleteWomen are gold!
God bless every mother out there.
Amen.
DeleteThank you for stopping by.