5 CRAZY/WEIRD THINGS I HAVE DONE! (1)

Hey Darlings!

I hope this special tatafo post meets you well. Anyway, if it doesn't, I can guarantee you that you will have a smile on your face by the time you finish reading.

So today's special because on this day, The Tory Teller's blog came into existence after several years of existing in the spirit realm. Finally, there was a physical manifestation and Boy! I was over the moon when I read the first comment on this blog.

In my head I was like, "Ehen, so somebody left all they had to do in this world and clicked the link I shared, read my story and even commented?" Oh wow! I felt like a single lady who had just been proposed to by the man of her dreams.

I actually had goose bumps all over as I read the comment and responded with immediate effect. The sensation I had all day was awesome. Well, so far it has been a rewarding one for the past one year.

Before I proceed with today's Tory, I want to encourage you, yes you reading this post. I want you to know that whatever effort you make in life will not go unnoticed as long as you give it your best shot.

Don't be afraid of starting, no matter how small. I used to wonder who will even read or subscribe to my blog if I start? Where will I get content from to keep feeding my readers?

Sincerely, I didn't immediately get answers to all these questions but I decided to take the bull by the horn and take that first leap.

As y'all know I have been true to myself, sharing a piece of me with each post and life's lessons I have learnt on my journey and I'm glad that it's been a blessing to many.

So my Darling Reader, don't delay on that big dream you want to embark on. All you need to excel is in you. You are enough for you! That's today's take home message.

I hope that stays, ringing in someone's ears until they take action and do what they have procrastinated for too long. 

Having said that, let me quickly share some very wonderful things I have done in my life. You see, we all have that moment when we do things that are abnormal or unusual, things we wouldn't do on a normal day. Like some people say, everyone has a few minutes of madness in their lives, though I think some people's own lasts longer. 

Those of us that are mostly normal, ours is just brief madness when we do some crazy stuff without batting an eyelid. Please don't look at me like that, I know you have, all of us are in that category. Much respect to those whose craziness last longer. You are the real MVP!

So here are 5 crazy/weird things I have done and the thought of them still make me laugh out loud, especially when I am alone. Read and be inspired to let your guard down once in a while. Live is too short to live without funny moments:




1. Back then during my undergraduate days, I had a group of girlfriends, we all have our clicks don't we? So one of them, by name Amaka, like me, enjoyed urinating in sand. Hold on let me explain this very well.



That feeling when you squat and open your female reproductive organ to mother earth, and release showers of urine into the ground, precisely on a pile of sand, while receiving her breath into the center of your womanhood, is absolutely indescribable. I think it's actually 60% close to orgasm. Quote me anywhere.

If you have never urinated in sand, you will not understand, please give it a trial one day and thank me later. The first thing you will observe is that, because there is a large quantity of sand, the urine penetrates through it and goes straight into the soil without splashing on your legs. Interesting fact right?

Our hostel in second year had some areas that were still undergoing construction so there was always a pile of sand that we could pee in. We made it a duty to pee there before going to bed and we set alarm for when the hostel gate would be open so that we could do same before it was daybreak to avoid people see us.

I wont lie, it was fun. We enjoyed this so much that we increased the number days we went for night class because there was always a pile of sand somewhere waiting for our blessings. Of course my other girlfriends called us weird but I was not bothered and with time they joined us because of how we described the experience. I know they never regretted joining us sha, they had testimonies afterwards.

Recently, I was narrating this to hubby and he was just looking at me in shock. Then he said, "Now, I have confirmed that you are not normal!" I laughed so hard that tears rolled from my eyes. Anyway, I still told him to come and escort me so that we will look for pile of sand around our neighbourhood where I can pee every night. I think I have given him enough reason to divorce me! hahahahahaha.

The truth is, another thing that makes this experience exciting is, that feeling when you are releasing the blessing and shinning your eyes like a criminal, looking in all directions to ensure that nobody catches you doing the do, that one is beyond words. Then when you finish, quickly dress properly, jump up and start laughing like a clown!



2. For this second one, let me take y'all back to my early puberty age. I really can't remember how old I was when I was first given the message of adolescence and puberty but I know very well that I desperately wanted to experience it and become a 'woman' by all means.

To my surprise, in my J.S 2, some of my close friends and class mates had already started seeing their period. Haba! Why is my own delaying na? What is happening? Even some of my peers that I knew I was a few months older than had started seeing the red lady so why is she not visiting me? I refused to be a small girl mbok, I don't want anyone to look down on me.

I was in the boarding house then, far away in another state, so my mum always made sure that I traveled to school with everything I would need for months which included sanitary pads, in case my period started while I was in school. Like they say, "If Mohammed does not go to the mountain, the mountain would go to Mohammed." I made up my mind to take the bull by the horn.

One blessed day, I just took one sanitary pad and fixed on my pant, forming that the red lady had finally visited. I didn't need anyone to show how to do it, after all, I had helped a good number of my roommates when they had same experience. I was hailed and acknowledged as a big girl and my joy knew no bound notwithstanding that I was even faking menstrual pain. Hei God! Isnor today my brain started acting foreign.

Long story short, when the real deal came, a few months later, hmm, she came in all her glory. I mean premium package, with cramps and serious bleeding, the pain and discomfort was world class. My life has not remained the same since then. Now my daughter is reminding me so much of my pre-teenage self. I have been telling her to 'calm down' because what will be, will be, no matter how it delays. Should I tell her?



3. This one was during my youth service. I had been posted to Edo State for orientation, though I later redeployed to Lagos where my family is based. On arrival, I realized that the bathroom was a no go area for me. I am easily irritable when it comes to hygiene, I don't know know if that's a good thing or weakness. If I am pressed and I get to a place that is not clean, hmm the urine will just evaporate into oblivion and I may not feel pressed again till I get a better option. That is just how my system works, I am sure there are people in this boat with me.

All through my 3 weeks in camp, I used to wake up as early as 3 am to take a bath in front of my hostel. It was an open space facing the long corridor of the male hostel but then it was dark so I was sure that the onlookers will never know who it was. I was not the only one o. We were a group of early risers that were involved in this escapade.

It was either you wake up that early to shower or wait for day to break and shower inside the disgusting bathroom. I didn't need my ancestors to tell me what to do, I chose the former and I am proud of it. Crazy right? How long will it take you to figure out that The Tory Teller is unusual? Lolz.

Let me stop here for now, I don't want to bombard you will all my craziness yet, I'll be unleashing it in doses. Sometimes craziness comes in batches, so that you can still retain a portion of your own sanity for some time. Have you ever done any crazy or weird thing that makes you laugh whenever you remember it? Please share with us in the comment section. Happiness is free and laughter is medicine to the soul. Let us help ourselves stay healthy and relaxed.

Still in the anniversary spirit, those who gave answers to my question on the anniversary date will be credited shortly. Congratulations to the winner, Miss Kelechi Arinze, and thank you for your participation. Your account will be credited.

More gist coming up shortly, stay tuned and if you have not subscribed to this blog, what are you waiting for? Just click the subscribe button at the top of this post and follow the prompt. It's as easy as ABC!

Remember, The Tory Teller loves you and is rooting for you.

 #stayhealthy#
#staypositive#

© Onyinye Udeh






Comments

  1. Well done, so u follow us do the early morning bathing for camp... I couldn't imagine using their toilet .. Na short put I dey do, one time army catch me for where I dey do am, oga say make I use my hand pack am.. I beg tire he sha had mercy on Me, not knowing that oga sef came to do same

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha.
      I'm glad to hear that I am not alone in my crazy escapades.

      Delete
  2. Congratulations to the Tory-Teller blog, You inspire. Just a year old and you've made this much impact. I pray for more greater heights in Jesus name.

    Ayam waiting for when they will start sharing the jollof rice oo.

    The crazy thing I still do is looking for ashes to pure water on and inhale the smellπŸ˜€πŸ˜€.
    The other one I pray news headline will not carry it one day: Lekki wife seen bathing outside in the rainπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Happy Anniversary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you y Darling Seme Gold for staying with me on this journey to greatness. I'm glad to have been a blessing.
      As for refreshment, it'll be passed around soon.
      Hmm, I've always known that I'm not alone in this crazy world.
      But craziness is good once in a while. Hahahaha

      Delete
  3. For the 3 weeks in camp i took my bath in the night after the days activities and then i dress for morning parade and go to sleep so that in the morning I will enjoy sleep when others are waking up to bath. Weldon my love

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha.
      We're plenty in this crazy world.
      Well, I think NYSC helps to bring out the crazy side of us

      Delete
  4. Onyii nwa...oooooooo ..it was mad fun those days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. I guess this is Amy my partner in crime. It was crazy fun honestly.

      Delete
  5. YeahhhπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒthank you so much @ tory _Teller....... This news literally took sickness outta me😁😁

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome dear. Thank you for staying with us on this journey so far.

      Delete
  6. Yaaaaaaay! Happy happy happy happy anniversary!!!! ��

    You made me laugh with your list��

    Me, I like spelling my poop����

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, blog sis of life. You have been a great support to my blog and I appreciate you.
      Smell pupu? Oluwa oooo! Your own craze is premium package!
      Respect! Lolz

      Delete
  7. Wow! The comments I just read are so funny.
    You're not alone on the early morning bath in front of the hostel. I'm a bit allergic to cold and Niger state was so cold at that time due to the rainy season, so sometimes I just wash my V and move on. My aunt once told me that if you don't feel like bathing at night, you can wash it and still feel good. That advice came in handy during my camp days. And the shot put was my specialty at that time.
    Funny enough, I don't know how to throw. So it doesn't go so far, I just say a quiet 'sorry' in advance to the person that'll step on it 😁

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Med oooo.
      Your own is worse oooo. Lolz.
      See me thinking I was the craziest, now I'm humbled by your craziness!
      This really got me rolling on the floor with laughter!

      Delete
  8. You are not normal I deduced but am in the same boat with you somewhere in there, this was so funny πŸ˜„

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha.
      Dear Benjamin, thank you for stopping by.
      I am so glad that you are one of us!

      Delete
  9. Congratulations, Tory teller!
    You are doing an amazing job!
    More inspiration and creativity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww.
      This means a lot to me coming from you.
      Thank you for stopping by!

      Delete

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