Happy New Month My Darling Tory Lovers and Welcome to the month of September!
I hope this posts meets you in good health and sound mind. Was August fair to you? Yes? No? Okay, let me answer for you. Yes!
You want to know why I said yes? Hey, look around, can you find any reason to agree with me? Alright, place your hand on your chest, you can feel your heart beat right? Now that's enough reason. Good. We remain grateful for life.
I started this post last month and I know you enjoyed it because a lot of you actually let down your guard to share very funny and weird things you have done.
Sincerely, I was thinking there are a few of us but with your responses, I realized that there may not even be enough normal people in this world. Hahaha. But hey, that's alright. It's just the way we are and we ain't sorry to be who we are.
If you missed the first part of this post, not to worry, you can read it here, I promise you, you will be gripping your ribs in laughter by the time you're done and don't forget to read the comment section. It's as crazy as the post itself.
So here are some awesomely crazy and witty things I have done in this my wonderful life:
I don't even know where to start from because honestly, I am not normal, I know I must have said that several times but for the sake of our new comers and first timers, let me state it for future purpose, there are lots of things I don't take serious maybe that's why I have been able to pull through all the bullshit I have been through in my few years of existence.
In my previous post I mentioned that I was so anxious to become a big girl that I faked my period. Well, I forgot to add that I also put tissue in my bra to make my breasts look big, and of course attract the opposite sex. You know I have always loved attention from the opposite sex right from time. Please don't look at me like that, blame it on the hormones. Ladies if you know you did it, just confess in the comment section, your bra will not tear! I too like boys sha!
Another confession, I can be very petty. Are you surprised? I hope not.
I remember when hubby and I were dating back in school, whenever we had a disagreement or misunderstanding, which is part of what every relationship goes through, I would delete his number from my phone in anger.
Mind you, I didn’t say we broke up o, just ordinary quarrel, it doesn’t matter whether it was a minor quarrel, the number must go. As funny as it sounds, his number was already saved in my medulla oblongata anyway but I would just delete it from my phone.
The issue is that whenever he calls me after such quarrels, the first thing I’ll say immediately I pick the call is, “Hello, Please, who is this?”
Only the thought of it right now is making me laugh recklessly. I don’t know what my mind was telling me when I was acting all this drama but truth be told, I usually felt good when I was doing it. Have I stopped doing that? I'm not sure. Hei God! I taya for me! I wonder when I will grow up!
I was initiated in my undergraduate days, by a friend, one I have mentioned before, Amaka. That babe eh! She taught me how to eat 'Kaolin', popularly called nzu. It's a special clay mixed with salt. To be frank, I don't even know what this thing gives in the body, I just enjoyed eating it then. If you know you are a member of my club please indicate yourself in the comment section, there's a gift for you!
Nzu actually tastes like clay and salt, which what it is so I just can't understand why and how I became obsessed with it. After eating it, it leaves a white paste on you tongue and lips that makes you look like someone that just finished eating chalk from a deity's shrine!
The addiction was so bad that some of my course mates told me that it would suck my blood, make me loose weight and infertile. Was I scared? Yes. Did I stop eating it? No. Thank God, they were lying, because I wonder what my life would have been without these wonderful children!
By now, you may be pondering on what kind of person I am. Lolz. I know I am not alone. If you know you have done any of the above or even anything unusual, please step forward and take your place on the high table, the ushers are about to serve refreshment.
Make it snappy so that you will be served first, let me greet the newcomers, I will be right back. Don't forget to tell someone to subscribe to this blog.
May this September be a remarkable one and bring great blessings for us all.
Remember The Tory Teller loves you and is rooting for you.
Photo credit: TierraCravings
© Onyinye Udeh