RELATIONSHIPS: Should couples be friends?
I stopped by a shop in my neighbourhood to get a new pair of canvas for my son one evening and the owner of the shop, who happened to be someone I know very well, tried to convince me to buy a cute pair of pink canvas.
Honestly, the canvas was beautiful and I imagined how gorgeous it would look with my feet in it but then, that was not why I was there plus I was working with a tight budget. So I declined.
He made another attempt by telling me to just try it on, after all, there was no prize tag for trials. I didn't want to tempt myself because I already knew that it would be lovely on me but difficult to turn it down since it was actually my shoe size. So I told him I'll visit again when I was ready to get something for myself.
He was disappointed and said, 'I will keep it for you because I know that it will fit you. I see all the beautiful footwears you dress in that makes you look young and attractive for your husband. Not like those "old Mama shoes" that my wife wears'
This particular stray bullet hit me somewhere in my abdominal region!
I couldn't hold it back so I asked the man why he doesn't supply his wife such cute canvas in place of the ones she wears and he said he will never do that. According to him, such lovely things were for chics like me, not his wife.
We had a long discussion with me trying to convince him of how important it was for him to help dress his wife to look more attractive and not sit in his shop and admire other women.
Let me share two more incidents.
I sat with a couple during an event and the woman's bra was sitting outside her dress so I tried to help her adjust it. Immediately, her husband thanked me and took her to a corner to help her properly put it in place. I liked that he was quite responsive to his wife's shortcomings.
On another occasion, I met a couple and the woman's dress had a bad zipper but since I was closer to her husband, I notified him and he said, 'It serves her right. I told her not to wear that dress, she no dey hear. Let her carry it like that!'
Did you feel that stray bullet?
I kept wondering to myself why on earth such a person even got married with so much bitterness and unforgiveness in him.
A lot of people have the impression that once you get married it is just about having sex and making babies but there's more. Only a handful of people know that this isn't.
Communication is key for any Union to succeed. I have had my fair share of struggles in my marriage when were found it difficult to express ourselves to each other and I can tell you in all honesty, that without communication it is impossible for 2 people to co-exist especially when these 2 are married.
On the other hand, I think it would be right to say that such a couple is lacking friendship in their relationship and that is why there is a gap in their communication. According to research, couple that have a great friendship tend to enjoy their marriage more.
Why do you think these men treated their wives the way they did? What are your thoughts about the reactions of the man in the first case and the last one? Is it okay to be mean to your spouse in public because of something they may have done wrong in private?
Please note that these instances are not to accuse any particular gender but to drive home a point about friendship in marriage. Do well to let me know in the comment section if you would like me to address this issue more.
As I await your comment, remember Tory Teller loves you and is rooting for you!
© Onyinye Udeh