RELATIONSHIPS: Should couples be friends?

I stopped by a shop in my neighbourhood to get a new pair of canvas for my son one evening and the owner of the shop, who happened to be someone I know very well, tried to convince me to buy a cute pair of pink canvas.

Honestly, the canvas was beautiful and I imagined how gorgeous it would look with my feet in it but then, that was not why I was there plus I was working with a tight budget. So I declined.

He made another attempt by telling me to just try it on, after all, there was no prize tag for trials. I didn't want to tempt myself because I already knew that it would be lovely on me but difficult to turn it down since it was actually my shoe size. So I told him I'll visit again when I was ready to get something for myself.

He was disappointed and said, 'I will keep it for you because I know that it will fit you. I see all the beautiful footwears you dress in that makes you look young and attractive for your husband. Not like those "old Mama shoes" that my wife wears'


This particular stray bullet hit me somewhere in my abdominal region!

I couldn't hold it back so I asked the man why he doesn't supply his wife such cute canvas in place of the ones she wears and he said he will never do that. According to him, such lovely things were for chics like me, not his wife.

We had a long discussion with me trying to convince him of how important it was for him to help dress his wife to look more attractive and not sit in his shop and admire other women.

Let me share two more incidents.

I sat with a couple during an event and the woman's bra was sitting outside her dress so I tried to help her adjust it. Immediately, her husband thanked me and took her to a corner to help her properly put it in place. I liked that he was quite responsive to his wife's shortcomings.

On another occasion, I met a couple and the woman's dress had a bad zipper but since I was closer to her husband, I notified him and he said, 'It serves her right. I told her not to wear that dress, she no dey hear. Let her carry it like that!'

Did you feel that stray bullet?

I kept wondering to myself why on earth such a person even got married with so much bitterness and unforgiveness in him. 

A lot of people have the impression that once you get married it is just about having sex and making babies but there's more. Only a handful of people know that this isn't.

Communication is key for any Union to succeed.  I have had my fair share of struggles in my marriage when were found it difficult to express ourselves to each other and I can tell you in all honesty, that without communication it is impossible for 2 people to co-exist especially when these 2 are married.

On the other hand, I think it would be right to say that such a couple is lacking friendship in their relationship and that is why there is a gap in their communication. According to research, couple that have a great friendship tend to enjoy their marriage more.

Why do you think these men treated their wives the way they did? What are your thoughts about the reactions of the man in the first case and the last one? Is it okay to be mean to your spouse in public because of something they may have done wrong in private?

Please note that these instances are not to accuse any particular gender but to drive home a point about friendship in marriage. Do well to let me know in the comment section if you would like me to address this issue more.

As I await your comment, remember Tory Teller loves you and is rooting for you!





© Onyinye Udeh


  1. When you care about someone, as in you like them as a person for who they are, not even love, you treat them with respect. Your friendship is more important than making a point. Now imagine genuine love on top of that....Fada Lawd....hear thy prayer!! Hahaha

    1. Friendship it is!
      The Lord has heard our prayers dear Patricia.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. To me friendship is very important in a romantic relationship. It good to start as friends or if not, build a friendship in the relationship. True and genuine friendship is important abeg. God forbid husband that would rather shame me than protect me.

    1. I love that you said friendship can be built along the way.
      Evil husbands with not come near us!
      Thanks for stopping by dear Aminat.

  3. I know this man who was so nice at work,he was a driver. super friendly and everyone loved him. I was surprised one time when he was talking about his wife and he told me he doesn't talk to his wife, to make his position as the father of the house known. Im like whaat. How are you nice to everyone and mean to the one person you vowed to love. Found it really sad. Friendship is important

    1. What?
      I'm literarily in shock!
      Like how?
      He doesn't talk to his wife and he is proud to acknowledge it?
      That's so wrong!
      We can do better please.
      Thanks for stopping by dear.

  4. Seconded!
    Thank you dear Justyn for stopping by.

  5. How do you even marry someone who is not your friend?
    Thank you for sharing.~ Tikia

  6. I wonder.
    But many people are on this table.
    Thank you dear Tikia for stopping by.

  7. Even before marriage, lovers should br kind to each other and treat each other with respect.

    FRIENDSHIP should be the foundation of human relationships. This is where bonds are formed.

  8. Louder please.
    For those at the back!
    Thanks for stopping by dear Kemiclassio.

  9. To me, frienship first then comes love.Its through friendship which is d way we connect that we now notice the things we love about them even b4 marriage.....Having a great friendship and then falling in love is a beautiful makes everything easy...

    1. I totally agree with you on this.
      Friendship is one the strong pillars that will hold the marriage when every other thing fails.
      Thank you for stopping by.

  10. I can only date someone I have been friends with for at least 3 years, but when you date a modern lady you want her to be free and not act possessive

  11. Interesting point of view.
    Friendship is one of the pillars that hold marriage.

  12. Hey, thanks for the lovely words, I totally agree with you on this point.
    Friendship and communication hold the marriage when every other thing fails.
    Couples Communication Tools

    1. You're absolutely right.
      Thank you for stopping by James!


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